I’m sitting here, eating a whole pizza, and I just smoked my first cigarette. I don’t know why I’m telling y’all this…. Maybe because I can’t tell anyone else. I’m so beyond stressed. My parents and I are fighting and it’s worse than ever before. I’m cutting again, something I haven’t done since highschool, aside from when I have bipolar episodes but those are rare. I want to cut off my family completely, they add so much stress into my life and my mother is nothing but toxic. For almost 10 years all our interactions have been fights, screaming, and they always ending in tears. She makes me wish I was dead and treats me like I’m the worst child ever. She’s even admitted she wishes she could start over with a different child. I don’t know where I’m going with this, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.